by Lillian D. Bjorseth

   This article was published in The Productivity Institute (PI) Newsletter

Almost all of us have been there. We meet a new person, we run into someone we have met once or we see someone we’ve spoken with numerous times. We want to start a meaningful conversation for myriad reasons; yet, we find ourselves asking those trite questions:

• “Is this your first time here?”
• “Did you have trouble finding the building?”
• “How many people do you think will be coming tonight?”

And, just for good measure, we throw in a few “hmms” and “ahs” to make us appear even less confident.

Getting off on the right foot

Here are hints to help you feel at ease, make others comfortable, ensure you are memorable after the event and gain helpful information as well.

Establish your purpose for attending event.

• To gather information? It can vary from learning more about the sponsoring organization to making an educated decision about joining to learning more about specific businesses or individuals who are likely to attend.
• To get referrals? These can include business or job referrals or for support services necessary to run and grow your business.
• To seek advice or support? This might range from encouragement in a job search or in your venture into entrepreneurship. Or it might be from people in other companies who are employed in the same field or the same industry.

In any case, prepare your “ask for” questions and “listen for” answers so you are prepared to hold stimulating conversations while simultaneously enhancing your knowledge base.

Prepare your Verbal Business Card.

Be ready to share with others in one or two sentences what you do … not how you do it or who you are. Think of it as the front end of your elevator pitch. It’s like the bait on a fishing line hook. It’s what attracts the person and pulls them into a conversation with you. Show the other person what you can do for them … or their friends or associates.  Keep it simple because while people are listening to you, they are also assessing your appearance and behavior, trying to remember your name and planning what they will say.

Always include your first and last name (even your friends have memory lapses!), what you do, benefits to others and active verbs, the most powerful words in the English language. In general, omit your company name (unless it is really well known), your company location, titles, business labels and go easy on adjectives and adverbs. You’ll want to tailor the above information when you are with people from your company or in the same industry. They will understand and even expect jargon.

For example, one of mine is:

“I’m Lillian Bjorseth, and I help you build a new kind of wealth – social capital – by improving your communication and networking skills.”

Remember introduction basics. 

Even though you learned this in elementary school, you might need a refresher:

• A younger person is introduced to an older person
• A man is introduced to a woman
• A less important person is introduced to a VIP.

In other words, say the name of the person who is older, the woman and the VIP first. You deserve to be addressed as you want to be; however, you must let people know your preference so they can start the conversation correctly. If your printed nametag says “Robert,” and you prefer, “Bob,” it’s fine to cross through the name and print “Bob” on it.  Use a felt tip pen so people can easily read it.

Weave newcomers into the conversation. 

• When someone new joins you, immediately introduce him or her to everyone or allow the person an ample opportunity to do. Bring the person up-to-date by quickly reviewing what you were talking about (remember it’s a new conversation for them) and then asking them for an opinion or comment.
• Remember names. The start of any conversation is a good place for you to start remembering someone’s name. Hopefully, the person knows to wear the nametag on the right side (unobstructed by lapels or scarves) so that your eye will easily travel to it as you make the initial handshake. Hopefully, the person also knows to say his/her name along with the handshake. 
• Look at the nametag.
• Listen as the person gives you his/her name.
• Study the person’s business card to help implant the name in your memory.
• Repeat it several times during the first few minutes of the conversation.
• Use it when you introduce the person to others.
• Use the person’s name as you say “good-bye” to everyone you met.

Ask open-ended questions. 

The best way to avoid those one-word answers that make you feel as if your attempts at conversation have been thwarted is to not ask “yes” and “no” questions. Or, if you start off with one, have two or three open-ended questions or statements in your pocket at all times. Those one-word answers are sure to get you perspiring if you are the kind who worries about how to start conversations.

Listen, listen, listen. 

It’s the number one human relations skill and tells people whom you are speaking with how much you care … even more than the words you use. Then respond to what the person said rather than what you wish s/he would have said. Eventually you, too, will get time in the spotlight … if the other person is also a great communicator.

Lillian Bjorseth helps you build a new kind of wealth – social capital – by honing your networking, business development and communication skills. She’s author of the third edition of Breakthrough Networking: Building Relationships That Last. www.duoforce.com, lillianspeaks@duoforce.com, www.lilliancommunicates.com, www.greaterchicagonetworking.com, 630-983-5308.

by Lillian D. Bjorseth

   This article was published in The Productivity Institute (PI) Newsletter

Want to make the most effective use of your networking time and dollars? Then hone your people-reading skills so you can network in the other person’s comfort zone.

Each of you is as unique as a snowflake, yet you also share similarities - enough so that behavioral characteristics can be grouped into four major categories. You might be thinking, “Oh, I took that DISC tool at work to help me communicate, manage or sell better. What’s the importance in networking?”

Glad you asked!

People-reading skills are pervasive throughout your interpersonal relationship-building activities:  when speaking with people at events, making referrals and communicating with them via email or the phone. Knowing how to adapt and flex to increase the other’s comfort level is sure to increase your success.

If you are a Dauntless (Dominance) and Indefatigable (Influence) style, you are naturally more assertive, fast-paced, outgoing and take-charge. It is relatively easy for you to meet and talk with others. As Supportive (Steadiness) and Careful (Conscientiousness) people, you tend to be introspective, pensive, quiet and slower-paced. You usually find business and social events more difficult, even a necessary burden at times.

You may be a combination of several styles and find yourself exhibiting different behaviors at different networking events. If you are nearly equal Indefatigable and Careful styles, you may be at ease and really enjoy certain events; other times you would rather be alone or may become irritated if the meeting is not organized and orchestrated to your high standards. You need to recognize and adjust to differences within you just as you recognize and adjust to differences among people. Each style has strengths and limitations.

Your behavior in networking situations may vary from that you exhibit in the office, e.g., that of a manager. Networking and interacting with strangers can be much more stress producing! That’s why I specifically created relationship-building applications.

Dauntless Networker

If you are a Dauntless Networker, you rush in where mere mortals fear to tread! No matter that you are a low-level supervisor and the other attendees are top-level managers. You dislike corporate hierarchies and try to ignore or work around them. You relish being number one even if your company has only one employee. If you are an entrepreneur, no one will ever know your two-year-old business has yet to make a profit!

At networking events, people feel your presence when you walk into a room. At meetings, you let people know your opinions. Others know you are someone to reckon with. You may overwhelm people with your confident, powerful style when they first meet you or try to rekindle relationships. Your high sense of self-worth, your powerful aura and your impression of “knowing it all” need to be kept within limits.

You are good at getting results. What others may question is how you accomplish them. Be more considerate of other people’s feelings, and the sky is the limit for you in relationship building … and your career.

Supportive Networker

A quiet, even-handed, steady approach pervades throughout your activities if you are a Supportive Networker. You are known for the calming effect you have on others. Your sincerity is evident through your handshake, your smile and your demeanor.

You are by far the best listener. Your “Tell me more,” “Go on,” and “What do you think?” prompts encourage others to open up to you and make them feel important; however, more outgoing styles may unabashedly take advantage of you!

You don’t want to knowingly hurt anyone’s feelings. You tend to be uncomfortable when the conversation heats up and would rather withdraw into your shell until any conflict blows over. If, however, you think you may be the cause of any ill feelings, you will approach the person to smooth things over.

Preferring the security of warm, friendly relationships, you like to avoid the unknown. Yet, as a Supportive-style business owner or employee, you know the benefits of networking and that occasionally you have “to take the plunge.” Your compromise is to seek a safe environment, which may mean talking to the same person for most of the event. It’s okay to talk with only two people; however, it’s also good for you to set a goal to slowly work that number up to three or four people.

How the Two Adapt and Flex

It is readily apparent that we could have oil and water mixing when these two styles interact. Here are steps the Dauntless person can take to make the Supportive style feel more comfortable. At all costs, avoid the “I am who I am. Tough.” approach that some Dauntless styles assume.
• Avoid your impulse to interrupt their slower, deliberate responses or finish their sentences.
• Draw them out by asking opened-ended questions.
• Introduce them to your acquaintances.
• Steer clear of confrontation.

Supportive people, take a deep breath, and:
• Be prepared for quick topic changes or incomplete sentences.
• Don’t take the brusque, blunt style personally.
• Use your naturally good listening techniques; you may learn from their creative, visionary outlook.
• Look them in the eye while they and you are speaking.

Lillian Bjorseth has worked with tens of thousands of people nationwide through her often life-changing programs based on adapting and flexing to improve personal and business communication. She can be reached at www.duoforce.com or www.greaterchicagonetworking.com